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My memoir

December 12, 2011

I am still continuously trudging on. Writing my memior its crazy how when this stuff was happening I felt so lost and confused and now that I look back in hindsight I see so much I could have done to save myself from the horrible things I endured. At that time I thought I knew everything and that whatever life threw at me Id be ready for. But everyone was right a 15 year old had no idea. My mind set had changed so drastically. Now Id think three times before jumping  out a moving car. Back then I just jumped I still remember the tire right next to my head. I could have died. Did that stop me? No I was fearless and beleived I was invincible.  I rolled got up and ran! Now I would have lay in the road thanking God that I had made it. I think of the hours of hitchiking and all the strange people we met and now I feel anxiety thinking about how unsafe that was and how it could have ended up alot worse then it did. The 15 year old me had no fear she seen all the people that him and I encountered as a step to the next level she didnt know where she was going and she didnt seem to care she just knew all would be what it was and she had no choice but to keep moving. I cant wait to finish this memior. Ever since I started it a few months ago the urge to drink has subsided.

Yes I am an alcoholic. I dealt with so much shit in my past that the only way to sleep at night was to drink into oblivion.  I also have multiple sclerosis, the drinking made it worse but it made me forget the pain. I have done some of my best writing while drunk. I wrote “Shy’s Sorrow” in a drunken stupor. I love that book lol.  Drinking made me almost lose it all so now I have to focus on my kids, my husband and my writing because I iused to be on a path to no where and now Im better than that. 

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