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Another battle with the bottle (poetry)

December 21, 2011

Another Battle

Frustrated! Anxious Thinking about that buzz I wish I could feel today

One drink and this horrible feeling will go away

But I’m trying to hold on and wait it out eventually it should ease

But fuck all I want is to feel at peace

I want that burn in my throat and that cold bottle in my hand

Shit only an alcoholic like me can truly understand

During the day I’m a mommy, wifey, author, psychology student and full time employee

But at night after everyone’s sleeping the alcoholic comes out and that’s the true me

I hide in the shadows craving one sip that one drink that will take me away

Thinking this is it. Just this once I’m quitting after today

But then I laugh at my stupidity

knowing this addiction will always be a part of me

11 years was how old I was when I became the alcoholic you now know

That’s what happens when you bottle in your emotions and don’t let your true feelings show

Wine coolers was the first alcoholic beverage to quench my thirst

but then after a while it wouldn’t make me feel the way I felt at first

The pain, fear and sadness was still there

So I grabbed my first bottle of Vodka and drank it all by myself without a care

I was drunk for weeks on end

Feeling like I didn’t give a fuck but I know now all I needed was a friend

I finally got myself to let that bottle go

I was alright. I was ok. How I got back to this state I’ll never know…

 ©  April M. Barbosa 2009

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