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Lies of a Child ((Poetry))

January 5, 2012

So many things running through my head

Self doubt, self hate and sadness that should be long dead

The rushing thoughts chase the sleep away

The memories in my mind are at play

Chasing shadows in a house that isn’t there

The house I built to hide the pain and fear

I walk through the walls that used to keep my sanity

Maybe its time to demolish what used to protect me

The friends I never had linger here

The events that never happened, happened here

The world I created to hide from the life I hated waking each day to

The life of a child who didn’t know what else to do

People called me a liar but to me it wasn’t a lie

12 through 15 I let the real world around me fade away and die

I wanted to live a life far away so in my mind I did

I didn’t know any better I was just a kid

At school no one could understand so they teased me

I dealt with stuff at home and at school relentlessly

I’d cry each night praying I could make it right

Praying God would make my classmates the people I grew up with see me in a new light

But that never came it just got worse so I learned to fight

I let my life get out of control then I became a teen mom and wife

That was my way out the only way I could see

Motherhood was a blessing but marriage brought more pain to me

He hurt me emotionally and physically

I went back to the imaginary house and lived there for 4 more years

It was the place I went for comfort where my dreamed up friends helped dry my tears

In reality One day someone told me I was beautiful especially when a smile lit up my face

Compliments were something I wasn’t used to it made my heart race

I wanted to feel like that every day

Because of her kind words I took the steps to make my boogeyman go away

I took control of my life because of one compliment that touched my bruised and battered soul

That compliment meant the world to me too bad that girl will never know

© April M. Barbosa 2011

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