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Ramblings of a crazy drunk bitch (Poetry)

January 5, 2012

so tired yet sleep eludes me. Its chased away by the sadness dancing in my soul and the self hating words coming from my heart. I am nothing but a shadow living in a world where I exist to no one but my family.  Ready to leave the doldrums, the nothingness, to shed this shy quiet skin I am trapped in and scream this is the new me the fire is boiling the process has started like a snake I shall shed the skin that was my past and I shall emerge a strong warrior allowing my aztec roots to take hold nothing and no one will stand in my way I am APRIL hear me roar !!!!!

Waiting for an answer to a question that was never asked.  Watching for something even though I see it clearly in front of me. Its not over until its over. When will the game end? When will I hear the word that will set me free? Everyone sees but no one knows. When the cards fall there will be no more players to pick them up.  What is left will be a sad ruin of what once was majestically beautiful. Every charade has its end….

Now that the curtain is falling everyone gets a glimpse of what lies beneath. They know it is not good but can never understand why. They blame the failure on the only face they see. She is young and tries to fix the curtain he is on the otherside blind to the outside world. Blind to all that goes on around him. Blind to the emptiness on the stage. when she lets the curtain fall he will be left standing on stage alone not knowing what to say or do. Only then he will realize she had been protecting him all along.

Life is meant to be lived yet she is trapped in a cage with no bars. The dance has begun in the great hall and she can not move. Trapped by words that have no meaning anymore. She yearns to be free but the cage master is unaware of the feelings she has. The way an owner watches a fish tank full of beautifully exotic fish that are collected but never truly loved just there for adornment. She stands by his side and smiles prettily all the while yearning for a freedom she will never have. To hurt him would be to hurt herself he was her strength when she had none. He was her protector when she was weak. She can never tell him how she truly feels. Till death she will stand by his side smiling like its all ok

Though she is a prisoner she can close her eyes and soar in the heavens watching her life at a distance. The chains are not as heavy when she dreams. Its times to break the chains and emerge to a world she will create for herself. A world where she is able to do all she wants and no one can hold her down. A world where things are what they seem and words are not just words. A world where she no longer has to lie to herself a world where she can be free


© April M. Barbosa 2011


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